My tears are lost in the repeated syndicated reruns of our arguments These quarrels are pre reheresed bad reality tv completely scripted staged for the amusement for the audience of “love” If I were to write this for theater in perfect play-wright form, no false allusion lost in frames and edited reels I would write it so much better […]
Singing You Love Songs
This is not a love poem, not a letter to love
It’s nothing but the truth
It’s the reality, the confession
That in love is where I have found myself with you
Obstacle after tear, tear after pain, Pain after rain
you still seem to grow,
a weed, a rose, who knows
only common factor catalyst of devotion igniting the memory of your face
in places we have never gone
In dreams that you have not been cast
will these quick palputations of my heart continue
apart of your energy
the chemistry that existence in our electric touches
our passionate moments
is this atonement
for your love
I have considered the sell of my soul to be at your side
without you I am not whole
damned to hell for eternity is my decided fate
if you hold the key to my forever
if you say never
you would sever my gift of faith
my heart you would break
it seems unnatural for me to breathe for you to live only in your touch
overwhelming it must be to have me
so in love with he who is a reflection you have been privileged to know for a lifetime
Don’t despise the grandeur of my aftection
the direction of my obsession
the way I call you mine
it is not a display for your attention
an admission again of the things I feel
Yet me on my knees weak in my vulnerability
not afraid of your the way you will responsd
for this love that I found besotten begotton to you
is the least I COULD share
you deserve to know there is someone out there
who is for you
in your absence
in your presence
you are the human essence
of what is needed to complete me…..
What the Fuck Did you Say?
It's getting old, the spoken exchange, a delivery between the entities of humanity
the use of words, it's repugnant, abrogating vanity
Bellows of infectious negating detestable, personal vulgarities
What the fuck did you say, and who the fuck are you to vomit your cacophony of lost
on to me as if I am to inhale the sewage you have spit out…
The most gritty of revelations is the one in which you speak up!
My Vow of Desire
Crave the massage of his difference to mine
Made a list so intense
couldn't realize his existence
would have no ability to deny
resistance would be empty
His eyes so deep and sultry,
ignite fires below where they want me to keep it clothed
for him whenever he request
i will be his conquest
deep within
locked in close
don't need diamonds…
Infamous Thoughts for You
With each moment I find something new in you. Find a man worth admiring... find a place to hide from the world. Release the ache of the daily pain of living. Your smile exudes a quiet understanding of who I am when I am bare. It is rare ..
Who you are
You ignite me
Hot and rapid moans of desire…
Another One of My Poems that originally was posted on my other blog, The Weapon, The Cure, The Reason
Blood lines Severed
You are reflections in rear view mirrors
The P.S. in letters full of moments lived
The last of things desired
You have become a past of what I needed to define the
self I have outgrown
The water in my veins
Memories of today
will not bring tears of regret
Cheeks, puffy, wet
Won’t be the one reaching out to have no hand held
Invitations to my greatness
for seats empty
Alone in celebrations
the sensations
the negations of me
for the love of you
I am through
searching for what I was born into
Learned by Mistake
So much like a rose, beautiful to see blossom,
yet not comfortable to hold
The whispers thunder.. Aren’t you a little toold
A little to old to what?
to keep trying, to keep fighting,
until I am living the plan God has designed
You wish I could rewind,
go back in time
reroute my choices
Listen to your faint and mostly absent voices
mouthing empty lines, “I care”
“Listen to me, I know”
“Be aware , beware, of leaving empty”
“Just listen,” “having nothing to show
means something
I have something to show
the things God has given to nurish me
Conviction, strength, courage, compassion, defined divinity
Learned more than I wanted to know
my thorns, necessary amonng the weeds,
Helped me grow
Images left behind meant to humble me
strip me of my spoils
Thankful for my toils, falls and tolls
Seen the hearts of annoited souli
So, to old. to withstand
Your reprimands,
hear you repel my pain
Eye to Eye with Annoited Souls
taught me the worth of riches, not weighed in gold
Words sing my accountability
Apology acknowledging
the severity of my wrongs,
The lost of trust now will sing
the sad song
about the little girl gone bad
with what all she had
How could she go…
deep within the shadows of night,
Living by faith, you will always be able to the light
of God
Is my sight, soothing to your sore eyes
or could I bet on odds that all that is a disquise for why I am hear at your door
So poor of life
so equipped with spiritual dollars
just small words and soft voice
that’s all that is left of all those bad days of wrong choice
Hear in a book full of stories i am tell
My ears now allergic to voices that yell
Left behind with a man on a dowtown street with
the lonely eyes that give visions of a lotus hell
So much more serene than this earth, fools call home
The holted hell of dismay that lies in the livings eyes,
as they lose belief in energy
, in love
in Spirituality
The whispers of disdain,
incessant words determined to blame
this present on ignorance, stupid mistakes, unbelievably bequest to me
Smart is the descriptive adjective placed before my name
yet in your mouth all that remains
is wrong
Your words, however few, dig holes, left my soul hollow
My choices made by the awareness of my intuition
Inside beyond what the eye can view
painted this plot the hue of God
They snicker and cower, when his name is heard,
“You talking to God in all this mess”.. that’s absurd
The Silence is heavy, just the inkling of absurdity
Ignites monumental certainty
My clarity
Dec
A beautiful urgency
completely this difficult task
Holding my tongue, having more faith,
then the last days, when how, where, what, when and how come furnished my mind
took residence in my heart
Lead me to places far from your sullen audacity
that provided you tenor of the judgement of me
I have inhaled peace, exhaled this negativity
Parlayed the rejecting repugnance of your translation
Of me… It’s just that, another rendition of a perspective truth,
heavy with expectation,
Void of me
Yesterday is old, stale on my breath
Mock the watery prayers falling from my eyes to hell
dampen the fire where the anger gestates
Abort that which consummates
disappointment, anger
don’t carry it to term
Buried it named a lesson learned
Me and Friendship (Just ME)
When we are children being a friend is simple. It’s simplicity is beautiful and the margin of forgiveness is limitless it seems. In the sand box one minute fight, next minute play date rectified. As we grow older, learning the errors of emotion,and understanding how negligence works. The truth is, relationships are hard, no matter the defining characteristics. Being the girl who believes in the bare opportunity to change, to grow, to evolve, I must believe in the same thing for relationships. I am the girl hoping for the kind of love that is beautiful in its flaws. I want the same for my friendships as well. When your a child in your realm of childish thoughts, you have no idea how life will be without your bestie, without your friend. During puberty the first true balance of being selfish and compromising are introduced and this is when you learn the true elements of what it’s like to be a friend. I failed miserably in that arena, or maybe I didn’t but sometimes it feels like I did. How someone becomes a friend is the most beautiful thing, yet how we lose friends is sad, deary and has the power to devoid a level of faith.
My definition of friendship is simple. Being someone who loves this other person completely. The goals they set, the life they choose. That’s the love part. The part that is irreplaceable is the fun part, who they are to you, and what they give your life even on the hardest days. How they seem to understand that your smirky and moody outburst the day after your job has gone wacko and actually fired you is just your way trying to be brave when you cried in your car for half an hour. Or how you say you want something, but get lost in the fear and their they are to tell you how amazing you are and that you can do it. Or how when your family is unkind and they don’t understand who you are, and they invite you over for drinks and food, and sheer unadulterated debauchery because you need that smile.
Friendship is a gift that is rare and beautiful, and I try to treat it that way. I do expect more of my friends then I do the world. I expect them to be honest, and kind, patient, forgiving, sincere, fearless in their love for me because I promise that is what I will give them.
The way we exhibit these things will differ in different relationships. For me talking at me, down to me, or not being clear on how you feel about me. Be my friend because you love me, because I bring something to your life, not just because. I am already one of the masses in the world. I at least want to feel like a superstar in my own. I promise I will give you the same,
Just Memories
Just memories
beating like new breaths
vivid imagery
You have new life
here in my heart
You live on as though you have not left
trying not to remember
trying not to believe
trying to forget
the heat
the touch
the way
Here with me
you continuously stay
away from here
I ask of you
yet your ears
abandoned my present
lost in my thought
told
that time healed
the wounds of the heart
yet they leave out the part
labeled amendment named exception
Article Iv In the case of
I am still in love with you
hence-fore therefore when evermore
is
You live in her scent
breathe in her breaths
not mine
time
is not my anecdote
this curse of love
runs through my veins
the part of you I own
still reigns
here
atop your throne
my home
so empty
my days not complete
if this battlefield is love
I have already seen defeat
Don’t stay in my heart
Let us depart
not just in body
also mind and soul
I wish to feel whole
again
it has to be a sin
to love like this
we shared our last
words
our last kiss
Let it leave even these memories
these moments frozen
mementos
of a lovers glance
of a friends embrace
ignite hopes of another chance
these memories
are not trinkets of beautiful
I wished to be yours, adorned wife
mother to your children
revoked , rebuked, denied
these symbols of a love
unrequited
an uninvited
lifetime
sutures
mend lost futures
the pain
inside this cavity it does remain
each tear
a new fear
another year
still here
in my heart
I wished that they were just memories
A Future Love Begins
In your eyes I see a future free of my past
In you I see something I want to last
You create in me the freedom to be me
the idea of we
makes again believe
I feel free
So many days the of the past have become memories
of sacrifice
circus shows, emotional blows
Lord knows
I have endured pain
and lost of me
to again see
a future so bright
when my past has tried it’s best
to strangle me of love, the test
of faith
gives me strength
for the love that is born between me and you
a few men
can be as amazing
to see behind the facade
a decade of life with you
is what I wish,
for to try for a lifetime
is to much of a risk
to much to lose
I choose
to try again
and I feared
it would never be
To find the part of me that is meant for a match
I see the fear in your heart to attach
to mine
The time
that we have spent
is the equivalent
to happy
finding
you was a gift
Don’t let what has transpired become a rift
that tears perfection from reality
it’s insanity
the the way I feel
no doubt it;s real
Here is the deal
I will give you my truth
the lessons of my youth
the trials of my persecution
this institution of love
this revolution of honesty
it would be a travesty
for me to not tell you
all the things you do
that make me again believe
the things we could achieve
The way you relieve
the ache of a heart broken
the token of this
a new bliss
a sweet kiss between
a heart of trauma
a past of drama
Let us not forget
the things learned
the new beginning earned
Thank you for allowing me
into your life
from woman to wife
from promises to grief
the chief of my change
the struggle of turning a new page
Lets begin forever today
New game, your play
My Essence is my Presence
It suddenly penetrates my presence
that the essence
of who I am
has been measured on what I do
who I have become by the confines of you
Not just those in front of me
but that that past my identity of what they see
Nothing about this is wrong
For so long
I lost the truth
that how i am perceived
is conceived
on the choices I make
the risks I take
the image I uphold
whether my probability of light is bold
seen in gold
platinum or silver
do I creep beyond the misunderstanding that makes a soul shiver
what I deliver
is based on me
how I see
the things in which the world may unfold
it’s unique to do right in your action without being told
to represent prosperity
integrity
the dividends
of being a walking example
paying the debts in cash
never credit
embed it
into my words
my beliefs, my actions
the fractions
of dividing good by bad
multiplying by what I have instead of what I wish I had
the balances of excuses
reduces
the integration of elation
for an excuse
is just abuse
of blessings
provided by God, and his teaching
Reaching into a bag of tricks
is like counting licks
from the outside of a Popsicle
Seeing each day as a glass half full
is the equivalent of calling problems pickles
It’s seeing the bitter as sweet
living the sad as obstacle
Embracing happy as whimsical
the perpetual ability to keep going
to keep believing
relieving the noose
tied around change
Hoping to hang you with fear
Let’s rearrange doubt
and see what life is really about
Those immediate feelings of bliss
those moments when obstacle become opportunity
When sad because rebirth
When happy is just elevating thought
these things that can’t be sold or bought
these dreams that become reality
these truths that are nothing more than confirmation
of the speculation that faith is real
that miracles happen in the dirtiest ghettos
that the highest mountains don’t ride on the stems of stelletos
but in the sweat of kindness
in the threat of love beating
It suddenly penetrates my essence
that here on this day, who I am is portrayed in my presence
In my opportunity to have the ability to live the change
to rearrange my past
pain doesn’t last
it’s that broken bone
that with a cast will heal
no big deal
the real is in the reality of making a problem a miracle
the door closing, is a cliched truth, another is opening
miracles do happen once in a while
stop asking how
just believe
relieve the pressure of that noose
that is strangling your ability to change
the realistic approach to living
control nothing but your action of love
relinquish hurt to the superiors who build
lifetimes on the backs of working men
that have no brawn and fake brains
sniffing the remains
of greater minds
they create blinds
to close your eyes
to the truth
this is who our youth
will follow
No, be the superior
be the believer
be the best depiction
of you
as I
now see
what you see
is me
so let me be sure
to allow you the ability
to recognize
my essence in my presence
The Revelation of Friendless Pain
Here it is, I don’t where to go, I don’t know who to talk to. I don’t know how to handle the beating of disdain behind the cavity of my chest… it is bartering my control and it’s mocking my kindness. So I do as most writers do, I do what I can do, and I pick up my pen, I pull out my keyboard and I let the melodic and methodical taping of keys try to quell the anger in my heart, the sadness of my soul and I do my best to not rush the emotion away, I hope to not lose myself in the emotion and the feeling and I beat down the door of my pain and I try to let the light come in. Yet today it’s harder. It’s harder to quell the anger that is heating up slowly inside of me, I can feel it’s presence changing my thought patterns creating foreign needs of release and I am afraid of the person that lives within those barriers of hurt.
So Instead I rant
When will I be able to just be
truth is the answer is easy
When it’s just me
When I don’t have to need
or heed
the rules of another
Mother, friend, sister brother
Just not another human being
special when being
is at the mercy or hands
of another’s marked lands
not many people
care to be
the hands of help
the eyes for another to see
Not many will be your angel
your soldier
will not be the lookout for the siege
will not coddle your wounds
many will let you bleed
to the final breath
Many will not be their to help you feel
whole
or nourish your
soul
Not many can be
a friend
in the depths of disdain
lost or gain
In the end
we must see
that living is a solo
mission
Only a job, if your lucky your earn a commission
for each kind act
each moment of love
each kiss, each hug
For many will not do it for free
Yet I hope in your life
you never get the opportunity
to lose your ability to dream
to believe that love and kindness is free
i hope you
never have to experience
life as me
where love is not free
where alone is what you wish for
instead of more
love to surround you
but to just be left to be
no us, no together no we
and people are constantly saying go
saying no
Lost to ears the sounds of yes
no quest of love to be endured
no moments of being insured
yet they call on you to listen
to hear
to quell their fear
all u are
is the way they can say
I did my good
did what i could
I hope you never be just the case, just the charity, just the example
of what love ought to not be
be happy your not me
Love, Laugh, Learn, Give, Smile, Embrace, Embody, Move Loudly, Speak Truth
